Journals

When I was pregnant with each one of my children I started writing in a journal to them. I would frequently update and record events. However, I have done horribly since Luke was born. In fact, the last entry in any of their journals is 2 weeks after Mallory was born! I was horrified and have been trying to do better. As I tried to hit all the high points for the last (almost) 2 years I went back and read a few entries.

I was, of course, the best at keeping up to date on Marcus's. Once a week I wrote. Being my oldest child, I have kind of put his early years in this glowing, happy place in my mind. After yesterday I am so grateful he was my first, I could not have handled him otherwise. He had tantrums practically daily where he would be so out of control he could not calm down. He would bloody himself while he flailed around. Somehow, I blocked this out. I do remember being on campus at SUU and we were killing time until my class. We were playing and I made Marcus mad. He threw a fit right there and I couldn't get him to stop. I almost literally dragged him to the child care center with tears running down my cheeks. The director looked at me and said, "You can bring him here anytime you need a break." That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Eventually Marcus grew out of the tantrums...sort of. He still gets so worked up he can't calm himself down, but at least he doesn't bloody himself up.

So, rose colored glasses have come off and I have seen the light. I am scared to go back and read Anneke's journal.